Welcome to the inaugural Redwire Awards 2015, where we honour the best of the best in their respective arenas, for better or for worse. As we wrap up 2015 and sing Auld Lang Syne, let’s not forget the people who’ve made this such a memorable roller-coaster ride of a year!
Scandal of the Year: BreadTalk
Kong Hee was a fraud and Sun Ho couldn’t sing to save her ass. Yeah, we knew that. But this soya bean milk shocker from BreadTalk takes the cake. Not satisfied with selling soy lovers Yeo’s soya bean milk under the guise of “freshly made” tao ni, these guys even planned a 600 percent markup! At least BreadTalk had the decency to say “we’re sorry for misleading you” after Redwire broke the story, and offer a free pork floss bun day after some savvy company marketeer got his bum whipped. Still, those suits didn’t send us a box of those sweet pastries!
Cock-Up of the Year Award: The HDB
It’s not that the HDB is full of shit. Rather, it was wading in deep shit after 3 shitty explosions involving newly-built flats this year. One swallow doesn’t make a summer, but several crappy explosions and a host of other problems relating to slipshod work certainly serve up a shitstorm.
The Lady Luck Award: The SGH Management Team
People died, others got infected with a crippling virus, but nothing’s happened to the top management team at Singapore General Hospital. Not even after they initially hushed-up the outbreak, leaving Health Minister Gan Kim Yong possibly scratching his head and going “huh?” And not even after an independent inquiry found even more lapses, with contaminated blood even being splashed across the walls of one ward. Nothing. SGH’s top brass are all still sitting pretty in their cushy personal office couches, so they must be pretty damn lucky to have dodged a bullet.
Minister of the Year Award: Lee Hsien Loong
Generally speaking, it’s common for generals to see war and act all garang about it. But Brigadier-General Lee Hsien Loong stayed true to the Singaporean way of honesty and incorruptibility when he refused to hide his raw shock and awe when faced with a dangerous firecracker. Even whilst knowing he was in the public eye, PM Lee didn’t flinch when it came to displaying his fear when all else around him put on their best smiles. For his honesty, our Prime Minister deserves our Leader of the Year Award.
Personality of the Year Award: Kenneth Jeyaretnam
Never was so much owed by so many to so few – or just one chap for that matter. Millions of Singaporeans now have a new rallying call thanks to Kenneth Jeyaretnam. Poetic to the point of a Churchill quote, Kenneth J’s infamous “Singaporeans get the government they deserve, so I don’t want to hear any more complaints” line will live on in our memories for a long, long time (simply because at least one bugger will never fail to spout it ad verbatim at an opportune moment at every party).
Underdog of the Year Award: Desmond Lim
Given a choy, how many of you would place your bets on this quiet and unassuming fella winning more concrete votes in GE2015 compared to a former Presidential Election candidate (Tan Jee Say), a mercurial comeback kid (Dr Chee Soon Juan) and the Workers’ Party’s all-star cast in East Coast GRC? Desmond “Tutu” Lim pulled it off, proving that a strong work ethic still has a place in today’s flash and bang world.
Chio Bu of the Year Award: Kuek Ziyi
She smiled, she cried, and she delivered the goods – all except a win. Watching Kevryn Lim’s rise from obscurity to one of the most-discussed characters in GE2015 was like watching a whole 1000-episode “Zhen Qing” drama unfold in just a couple of weeks. We’d give her the Chio Bu of the year award, but would-be Miss Singapore World Kuek Ziyi’s just prettier. And we’re superficial like that.
Most Influential Person of the Year: Lee Kuan Yew
Who else can win a “person of the year award” just by dying? No disrespect intended to Elder Lee, but that’s possibly all he did in 2015, and yet the veteran statesman managed to snag the Straits Times Asian of the Year award. Obviously the younger generation of Singapore politicians pale in his shadow if they can’t pull off anything to trump his sole achievement this year. Then again, if Lee didn’t give permission to budge, who could make him?
Picture of the Year: Fruit Stall Uncle
Possibly the most honest fruit seller in Singapore. Give the chap a Tiger!