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5 Reasons the Grim Reaper Won’t Dare F*ck with Lee Kuan Yew – Singapore’s Ultimate Badass

The rumours that Lee Kuan Yew is dead as deadwood have been floating around for the past couple of years already.

They’re intensifying now that he’s in the ICU of SGH, kept kicking by machine work.

Well, he’s not dead.

If the former Prime Minister and Minister Mentor wants to go, he’ll go on his own terms.

Why? Because the Grim Reaper won’t dare put a sickle to him.

This isn’t just any Ah Pek anyone can mess with.

It’s Lee Kuan Yew – Singapore’s ultimate badass who affectionately believes it’s better to be feared than to be loved.

Here’s 5 reasons why the Grim Reaper will lose trying to grapple with him – our tribute to Old Lee.



(1) Lee Kuan Yew will sue Death, and win


I hear you, but do I look like I give a damn?

Man dies, goes to heaven, wants to sue God for taking him so early. God answers, “Where you gonna find a lawyer, punk? They’re all in hell!” Cue Godly laughter.

Jokes (and lawyers) aside, the old man sues. And wins.

JB Jeyeratnam became a bankrupt

Tang Liang Hong ran away very quickly.

Far Eastern Economic review got sent back to the Far East with tail between their legs.

Chee Soon Juan too, but he’s The One that Got Away and lived to fight another day.

What do you think he’ll do to the Grim Reaper? Probably the same he would to the opposition.

All opposition.

“If we had considered them serious political figures, we would not have kept them politically alive for so long. We could have bankrupt them earlier.”

If hell freezes over, we know whose fault it is that there’s no more money to pay for heating.


(2) Lee Kuan Yew does what he wants, when he wants to


If I want a Jerry curl, I get a Jerry curl.

The old man was once a young, fun, intellectual. In other words, Miley Cyrus with brains.

Look at the pictures! How many of us get to frolic in a pool with hot babes with such wild abandon.


If it wasn’t for running this damn country, I’d have a bloody harem already.

Or (except for Chan Chun Sing) wear waist-high trousers and live to tell the tale?


Adding a Singapore sling to Shanghai Tan

Or drink and smoke, then stop drinking and smoking. Just because.

“The drinking gave me a beer belly and it was showing up in pictures appearing in the press.”

“I quit smoking because it was causing me to lose my voice at election campaigns.”

You don’t tell LKY what to do. Never.


(3) Lee Kuan Yew makes the rules

You don't ch** bye.

You don’t ch** bye, please.

This is THE man who once tried to social engineer generations of Singaporeans for the future.

By encouraging smart people to only screw other smart people so they will have only brilliant kids and not dumb-as-f*ck ones, so that Singapore will progress.

Eugenics, 1980s. Failed experiment, but still, it takes balls to even suggest something like that.

Why must you persist in being so ch** bye?

Why must you persist in being so ch** bye?

“I am often accused of interfering in the private lives of citizens. Yes, if I did not, had I not done that, we wouldn’t be here today. And I say without the slightest remorse, that we wouldn’t be here, we would not have made economic progress, if we had not intervened on very personal matters – who your neighbour is, how you live, the noise you make, how you spit, or what language you use. We decide what is right. Never mind what the people think.”

Every time you spit or throw a cigarette butt, do you look around and see if there’s some mata, or carboard mata, or NEA officer watching you?

You’re scared. Yes, any Singaporean would be too.

And LKY will probably instruct Death to go to the next ward while he strolls out of SGH for a beer.


(4) Lee Kuan Yew got balls to play punk

redwire singapore lee kuan yew hatchet destroy
Death comes, it better come with a big sickle.

Let’s just say the Grim Reaper will have an easier time taking on the whole ISIS than Lee Kuan Yew.

“Even from my sick bed, if you are going to lower me into the grave and I feel something is wrong, I will get up.”

Remember that line? That was LKY giving Death the middle finger, and loving every moment of his pompous, arrogant, fist-thumping ways.

And if he still doesn’t get what he wants? Cry lah.

Any trick in the book to force you to bend.


That’s not tears. My eyeballs are sweating is all.

True Inglorious Basterd.


(5) Lee Kuan Yew no repent, Death repent

“If Aljunied decides to go that way, well Aljunied has five years to live and repent.”

Yes, and if he goes to the other side, whichever side, someone’s gonna be made to pay, and pay for all eternity.

Whoever you are, you're next.

Whoever you are, you’re next. Good luck.

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