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Budget 2016: The Super Simple Guide to Taking More Free Money from the Gahmen

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ELSON: If there’s 3 things to know about Budget 2016, this is it: gahmen is going to give more money to companies to help them grow, gahmen is going to give more money to the poor to help them eat, and gahmen is going to give money to your boss if you do charity.

Simple right? Let’s look at this in a little bit more detail so you know how to get your hands on the gahmen’s money.

Starting with…

(1) Businesses

Get robots, get grants. If you want to take more of the gahmen’s money, then use more automated processes in your business. Amongst the packages introduced to boost use of machines, there’s this package called the Automaton Support Package that will give you grants of up to 1 million bucks – enough for 350,000 plates of char kway teow.

Start a small firm and innovate. Now the gahmen is going to co-share 50 percent of the default risk on your working capital loan, give you an upgraded 50 percent corporate income tax rebate, and extend the time you can receive Special Employment Credits to 3 years. Gahmen is also going to triple the SME Mezzanine Growth Fund to 150m. Not bad what.

Go ICT. If you’re looking to start a company, start a tech firm. A whole damn district (that super atas looking Jurong Business District) is going to be built to help you thrive and prosper. Minister Heng says you can “live, work and play” there, so we suppose you can learn, earn, and maybe meet some chio IT babes there too. Hopefully. If the only Java you know is a blend of coffee, go check TechSkills Accelerator to see how you can get in on the action, goondu.

Otherwise, open a heartland mamak shop. Heng said got free upgrading.

(2) You, Me, Uncles and Aunties

Meng kia, uncle, we also got money from Budget 2016. Starting with an extra one-time-only GST voucher. You can get an extra S$250 to S$500 on top of the current GST voucher you’re getting, depending on the value of your house. Oh yeah, then there’s S&CC rebates of 1-3 months based on flat types too. Hosay lah!

If you’re planning to contribute to nation-building (that means by having kids, and more kids), then you’re damn lucky. You can S$3000 free cash for a start, and dollar for dollar matching on the money you save for your kids, courtesy of the gahmen. Starting from yesterday. Those who started two days ago bo lui. So, lucky you. Do Heng a favour and try creating a couple of twins now. Don’t be so giam lah, young ladies and gentlemen, the gahmen is also giving you up to S$35,000 in free money to buy your own 2-room flat ok.

Low-wage earners, like me, can get monthly payouts from the Workfare Income Supplement scheme. So, don’t be lazy like me and go and actually apply for the thing. Disabled low-wage earners, you are now eligible too so go get some free gahmen money. Don’t take, wasted.

Elderly Uncles and Aunties, you all just sit back and keow kah. Gahmen will find you and automatically give you more cash per quarter under an enhanced Silver Support scheme.

(3) Charity

Sorry ah, volunteers, no extra benefits for you, but your boss got. Tell your boss to let more of you and your kakis do volunteer work with IPCs. Towkay will get 250 percent tax deduction on the costs involved, and you get to jiat jua. No lah, do it properly. After all, it’s charity work.

Alright, now that you know how to kee chiu and take more free money from the gahmen, what are you waiting for?

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