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6 Choice Jobs Recommended for Singapore’s Elderly Folk

With the CPF Minimum Sum set to increase, Medishield Life premiums going up, and the retirement age rising, Redwire thought we’d do the elderly a favour by recommending some choice jobs available should you want to work longer and harder.

If you’re a middle-aged PMET, please don’t consider these jobs even if you’re jobless. Otherwise, you’ll be stealing Uncle and Auntys’ rice bowls.

And that’s best left to foreigners.

(1) Cleaner

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You get to walk around and enjoy the fresh air, and even “beo chio bu” at hawker centres and food courts. Sometimes, you can take free tissue paper from people who anyhow “chope” seats. And if you’re hungry but don’t have enough money for bak chor mee, there’s always going to be a bowl that’s half full. Put two together and you get a full meal!

(2) Karang Guni Man or Woman

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As a rag and bone person, you get choice pick of other people’s throwaways. And it’s all for free! The hours are flexible too, but it’s best to start work early in the morning before other aunties and uncles get to the best bits. The early bird catches the worm, remember?

(3) Street Hawker

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From tissue to fruits, there’s a wide variety of things Singaporeans need on the go. If you’re a nightbird, you can even try selling condoms at Orchard Towers (aka 4 floors of whores). Just be careful that the cops and NEA officers don’t catch you. That’s why it’s best to invest in a motorised wheelchair that goes at more than 1 km/h (because most cops and NEA officers can’t run very fast or very far).

(4) Ah Long

This amazing shot is a screengrab from Talking Cock: The Movie, which should be recommended film literature in Singapore.

This amazing shot is a screengrab from Talking Cock: The Movie, which should be recommended film literature in Singapore.

If you’ve sold your HDB flat to pay for all the bills, you’d probably have several hundreds of thousands left to invest in a loan shark, or Ah Long business. Interest rates can go for between 20% to 100%, and you set the terms. Besides, you can get those who can’t pay to do the dirty deeds for you. In corporate terms, you’re the CEO of your own finance company!

(5) Taxi Driver

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Did you know that you can drive a taxi until you’re 75 years old in Singapore? Neither did we before this. But if you enjoy sleeping in the car and waiting for a booking, this is probably the right job for you, old man. In your spare time, you can gamble with other “lepak” taxi drivers, or watch Premier League football for free at coffeeshops. Just don’t pick up the wrong PRC protitute (sorry, social escort), or you might just get mugged by a butterfly.

(6) Street Sweeper

This shot is from TODAY newspaper, which is estimated to get into trouble pretty soon.

This shot is from TODAY newspaper, which is estimated to get into trouble pretty soon.

It’s called living the healthy life while being paid. Most people have to fork out their own cash to run a marathon, so be thankful. You even get free clothes to wear. And you get to practise those kungfu moves you learnt as a kid while watching open-air wayang at Chinatown. It’s not a broom. It’s a f*cking sabre, punk.

Anymore suggestions for jobs our Singaporean elderly can do?

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