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Cow Beh Cow Bu

Jover Chew is a Genius Salesman Who’s Almost Everything the Gahmen Wants Us to Be!

We say “almost” lah, because of that small matter of him being a cheat.

But if you look at the Sim Lim Square Scammer’s con tactics, Jover Chew (and his merry band of Bengs) epitomise the very spirit which Singaporeans ought to strive for (again, without the small matter of him being a cheat).

Think about it…

(1) Jover got SkillsFuture Nailed

Offer consumers a big discount on devices, get them to make full payment and sign off, then add marked-up items to the invoice and alter it, and say “never pay for all these things yet, cannot take until you pay up.”

That’s called being a savvy marketeer, but a bit too savvy. Jover got the SkillsFuture part nailed, but took it a bit too far until no future.

(2) Jover’s a Meritocracy Champ

At 33-years-old he gets his own store, his own Ah Beng Superstar team, his own home, his own wife, his own car, and up to S$20,000 a month in income – all by his own hard work and talent for scamming. What have you done lately?

(3) Jover’s an Innovator

18-year-olds go to the army to learn how to be signallers. Jover Chew improvises and invents his own lingo: S-I-N-G-A-P-O-R-E, with S being 1 and E being 9. That way his little bunch of cheats can communicate and come to a mutual understanding of how much to scam some sitting duck.

(4) Jover got his Own Phrase

To be “Jover-Chewed”: to be cheated until want to kneel down and cry. How many of you have a Uniquely Singaporean phrase named after you?

(5) Jover does LKY Proud 

How many times have we decried Singaporeans for being booksmart and good in Math and Science, but can’t wayang well enough like the ang mohs who lack essence but talk better? Jover and gang can even convince their prey to let them check their bank account balance, so they know how much they can kapok.

His victims can hardly speak English, most of them being low-income foreign workers. Still Jover can get his message “give me all your money” message across, and nicely enough. Most Singaporeans say they’re bilingual, but actually half-here-half-there only.

Sticking it to the West, and a truly cunning linguist?

LKY would be proud.

Oh yeah, and that hair dryer picture. Pure charm.


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