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Key Lessons in Keyboard Warrior-ism from “Kid-Killing” Advocate Calvin Cheng

HAROLD CHAI: So former NMP (2009) Calvin Cheng has gotten off the hook yet again, after the Media Literacy Council of which he is a member ruled that his “kill children of terrorists because they might bite you in the ass next time” comments aren’t hate speech.

The law also hasn’t extended its long arm and grabbed him by the collar too, so he must be doing something right to evade trouble after causing trouble in the online world.

Which makes him a different breed of “keyboard warrior” from the rest of us who flinch at the slightest hint of “s*dition” as though policemen are stakes and we’re vampires.

So what’s Cheng doing better than everyone else?

(1) Even if you’re wrong, don’t admit you’re wrong. Ever.

If you say something wrong, don’t apologise. No, stand your ground and dig a bigger, broader hole for yourself such that other keyboard warriors and institutions like the MLC can’t touch you. Eventually, everyone will back off, everything will be consigned to history and you can climb back out as though nothing happened.

(2) If pushed to a corner, deflect.

That big hole that you’ve dug and filled with denial and scorn might not be enough to fend off enemies (such as that evil vixen Kirsten Han and those spiteful TOC people who are only out to conspire with foreign powers to destabilise Singapore society. Tsk, shame on you Terry and co). In that case, make it their fault. Try filling in these blanks:

“It’s not my fault that my good-natured (words about killing kids) aren’t appreciated. But there’s these other people who are assholes and they should be shot. What did I do again? Nothing, really. But those evil people must be dealt with because they did (something else).

(3) Turn the tables and attack – on a BIGGER scale!

Now to make sure everything stays dead and buried, you want to bury everyone else who’s against you. Go on media platform with a wide reach, like 93.8 LIVE and do just that. Keeping in mind (1) and (2), attack the horde of crusaders and label them as something negative, like “cyber bullies” and punch back. Now you’ve got the nation on your side. Well done!

So remember folks, it doesn’t matter what you say. Rather, it’s how you convince everyone one else that you didn’t say it in THAT way when you get into trouble.

Amos Yee, are you reading this?

It’s time to learn from the best in the business.

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