People in Singapore don’t trust the police. That’s plainly seen in our recent poll over the new police body-worn cameras. And probably rightly so too, given the number of gaffes our officers get themselves embroiled in. But the one officer we can trust to uphold the law come hell or high water? Of course, our dear friend, Cardboard Mata. Here’s why he should refuse most of those bumbling buffoons in blue.
(1) Cardboard Mata Never Sleeps
He’ll even protect your bananas at night, men.
Cardboard Mata’s eyes are always open, staring at you like you were some would-be crime-committer who needs to be stopped at all cost. Unlike this bugger from Sembawang Neighbourhood Police Centre, who was caught catching some shut-eye at a multi-storey carpark while on duty.
Eating snake in public can result in verbal backlash of verbal diarrhea – Confucius
(2) Cardboard Mata Never Runs from Danger
He’d stare you down. And win.
Our dear friend stands his ground against all adversity. The only time he topples is when someone beats the pulp out of him. Unlike the kiasee matas, who ran away from the scene of the Little India riots, some even hiding in an ambulance before fleeing!
Kiasee Matas
(3) You see Cardboard Mata Around More Often than Actual Policemen
Yes, he’s EVERYWHERE.
Count the number of times a week you see living, breathing, human policemen pounding the beat and patrolling the neighbourhood? Now check the number of fingers you’ve raised on one hand. As for Cardboard Mata? The dude is everywhere, detering crime with his Man of Steel posture.
(4) Cardboard Mata is More Attractive and Presentable
One looks like an old prune, the other like Clark Kent. Guess which is which.
Pretty sure we can all recall those sloppily-dressed cops on the streets, or those grossly overweight matas who we don’t think they could even catch a cold if they tried. You’ll never have that unsightly problem with Cardboard Mata. He always looks handsome, properly-pressed, and cool. Ok lah, maybe not as handsome as the Save-Cat-From-Tree Mata Kuching.
Fine, you win Mata Kuching. But just this once.
(5) Cardboard Mata is Much More Flexible
He puts the Swiss Army Knife to shame.
Yes, just see what our dear friend can do when the need arises. Of course, we’ll need real cops to do investigative work and the likes while they sip coffee and eat their Yat Kun kaya toast, but for the rest of the bumbling buffoons in blue, Cardboard Mata will trump them in efficiency and flexibility any day.
(5) Cardboard Mata is Much, Much Cheaper
Imagine how much of taxpayers’ money we’d save if we produced more Cardboard Matas, for all the above reasons. After all, he doesn’t cost an average of S$2500 per month to hire! So get more of him before the Malaysians beat us to it.
