Damn Funny Lah

Gahmen Rolls Out New “Citizenship Culture” Tests for Wannabe New Singaporean Citizens

The Gahmen has devised a new “citizenship culture” test to ensure that only foreigners who can assimilate well into Singapore’s society can become Singapore citizens.

This comes as many Singaporeans cow beh cow bu that foreigners nabeh everytime only speak Chinese or Tagalog are mostly only able to converse in their native tongue, and don’t understand local customs and culture.

The first phase of the new citizenship test, the “Singlish” test has just been rolled out.

Following this, foreigners intending to become new citizens next year will also have to pass another set of three tests:

(1) The Queuing Test: If a foreigner cannot stand in a queue for at least 8 hours, he or she will flunk this test

(2) The Makan Test: To determine familiarity with local food. Amongst the questions, “How much hum is there in a typically bowl of Mee Siam?

(3) The Politics Test: To determine if foreigners are well-adjusted individuals. Amongst the questions, “Whose fault is it when the train breaks down?” and “Who should be blamed for HDB flat defects?” Exclusive hint: Any answer except “the gahmen” will be accepted for this test segment.

Lt-Gen Jin Chao Kuan, who heads the gahmen’s new Citizen Culture Committee (CCC) says that to prevent any accusations of fake qualifications, new citizens who pass the test will only be given a pat on the back and a handful of toothpicks for keepsakes.


(Editor’s Note: Please don’t sue us, AGC. Need money for beer.)

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