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Five Things New SMRT CEO Neo Kian Hong Will Face Now That He’s Sold His Car to Take the Train

“I sold my car earlier on but I didn’t want to buy a new car, because it is more useful for me to take the MRT to understand the issues and take our company’s assets like our taxis and buses.”

Okay, so SMRT CEO Neo Kian Hong, the new army general on the block, has sold his car to take public transport such as buses, taxis and trains more often.

And he’s even moved house to somewhere near Shunfu so “take the train to work”.

All we can say is “good luck” Neo, and it takes a brave man to willingly confront the problems of the everyday Singaporean.

Like these.

(1) Rubba Rubba Pervs

There’s been calls for women-only carriages, like what the trains in Dubai and Japan have, but this has been largely ignored by the LTA. Now let’s see how Neo likes feeling something stiff and warm rubbing against his backside during the morning peak hour crowd. It’s bad when the good news is turning around to find an actual dude rubba rubba against your buttocks, because you know, that thing giving you a butt cheek floss could belong dude… in a dress.

(2) PAP %$*# Taxi Uncles

What seems to be the favourite past-time of taxi drivers in Singapore, regardless of race, language, religion, or the colour of their taxi – cow beh the PAP. And second to that, cow beh the army for f*cking up every single government agency simply by putting army men in charge of those agencies. No that Neo has sold his car, he should have enough money for a hat and a pair of sunglasses.

(3) Siao Langs

In the army, there’s something called “suck thumb” – don’t kay kiang and act hero, just shut up and take it like a man. This course of action, for a general whom we presume has a strong sense of justice, might be the best course of action when encountering siao langs on our trains, buses and taxis. We don’t hope to see the SMRT leadership progress from one Rear-Admiral to one General, to one funeral.

(4) Holier-than-Thou Aunties and Vigilantes

There’s something called STOMP which has brought out the worst of Singaporeans, and there’s something called the Singaporean Aunty who will you down till the gates of hell if you sit in a seat (even if it’s not a “reserved” seat) while she’s standing there and staring at you. The holier-than-thou stare, coupled with intermittent cursing between dry coughs even makes it hard to do a fall asleep wayang.

(5) Breakdowns, and Having to Worry Every Time Uncle Khaw Speaks

Breakdowns are just us being positive. We haven’t brought up flooding. Or lightning. Or train collisions – essentially one train rubbing its stiff and warm into the backside of another train.

Good luck, Mr Neo.

And don’t take public transport for a day or two after Khaw Boon Wan speaks publicly on public transport. Bad things tend to happen, which make us believe it’s more “jinx” than “coincidence”.



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