Some people cool off their grief by taking a shower, others tell really bad jokes.
Here’s some of rudest jokes told by Jack, who happens to be pretty much a dick, about Old Man Lee.
1. What did the old man say when he woke up on the other side?
A. Singapore hot, here lagi hot!
2. When the old man finally goes, why can’t he go to a better place?
A. Because heaven doesn’t admit any old Tom, Dick or Harry.
3. Where will we build Singapore’s next casino?
A. Kranji Cemetery (because the old man once said, “You will build a casino over my dead body”).
4. What are the old man’s last words to his son?
A. If you cock up some more, I will come back and slap you hard!
5. What is the son’s reply?
A. Pa, no need, the co-driver is slapping me hard already!
6. Who will bear the old man’s coffin?
A. FT (funeral talent).
7. Why is his epitaph not “I founded Singapore”?
A. Sekali bump into Stamford Raffles then how?
8. What will happen to the millions that the old man leaves behind?
A. Don’t worry, they will be singing and dancing in the streets.
9. What happens when a Singaporean turns 91?
A. He changes from kiasu to kiasi.
10. With what words do they persuade the old man to eat his last meal?
A. Die die must try!
11. Why is the old man like a student taking exams?
A. Because they dread to hear the words “Time’s up!”
12. What 3 letters gives Singaporeans nightmares?
A. Hint: it’s not COE, ERP, GST or ISD.
13. I said PAP to the previous question, do I get any marks?
A. Yes you get 1 mark, but if you said L*Y, you get 2 marks.
14. Why did the owl fly into the Istana?
A. Because it wanted to hoot (Hokkien: whack) the residents.