Cow Beh Cow Bu

Wise Words Spoken by Smart-Ass Singaporean Daddies: A Fathers’ Day Special


If you ever needed words of wisdom to live by, or leaders to steer your life the right way, fathers are probably the best role models to follow.

Just take a look at these daddies!

(1) The Anti-Gay Daddy

I’m gay. This was a conversation between my father and me while I was driving and hit a fork road:

Me: “Should I go forward?”
Dad: “Don’t go forward, go straight.”

Damn cheeky lah.

(2) The Anti-Government Daddy

I was in university during the 2011 General Election.

Dad: Study hard, next time you can become a minister.

Overhead later that night when Seetoh Yi Pin won in Potong Pasir…

Dad: All these Singapore ministers are damn chao kuan ch** bye (play dirty, vagina). Na beh, everytime buah chao (play cheat). All ministers in Singapore can go to hell.

What does my father want from me, exactly?

(3) The Responsible Daddy

Before going out to play football  in a ‘C’ Division match when I was 14 years old:

Me: “You not going to wish me good luck ah?”
Dad: “If you break your leg, call your mother. Good luck.”

(4) The PAP Gahmen Father

Dad: “I am the head of this house, don’t argue, just follow do what I tell you to do.”

Dad, after reading TR Emeritus: “Bloody PAP gahmen, limpeh say what then we must do ah?”

Erm, head of the country, dad?

Really a “Come, I clap for you moment lah…”

(5) The Manager Daddy

My mother is boss of the house, but my father thought me everything I need to know about management.

Mom: “Can you drive Fat (my brother) to the hawker centre to buy dinner?”
Dad: “Ah San (“Skinny” aka me), drive your brother to go buy dinner.”

Wah piang eh.

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(6) The Lawyer Daddy.

I’m the only one in my family who is a vegetarian. One day while having lunch with my parents, my father was talking about a cat abuse case:

Dad: “How can people be so cruel… we should love all animals.”
Me: “Then why are you eating roast pork rice?”
Dad: “I love all animals I don’t eat.”

Next time if my boss asks me if I love my work, I know what to tell him.

(7) The Hardworking Daddy

My father was sitting on the sofa, drinking beer and scratching his backside and watching some Channel 8 drama, when my mother asked him to throw the rubbish at the bulky refuse bin at the void deck.

Dad: “Wah lau, do you know how hard I work for this family?”


Happy Father’s Day, Daddies.



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